How to Not be Nervous on Dates

Most men and women at some point will experience nervousness on dates. But just because it’s common doesn’t make it any better. In this article, I will be discussing the differences between men and women and How to Not Be Nervous on dates.

 What is a Date?

Dates are simply a fun-filled romantic opportunity to get to know the other person. Assuming you like her, your job is to make her smile and feel comfortable enough to let you lead her, growing closer and closer, eventually leading to sex if it is what both of you want.

How To Not Be Nervous On Dates: The Difference between Men and Women

Like it or not, nervousness will impact the date differently depending on whether you are a man or a woman. Unfortunately, nervousness is far more of a problem if you are a man. 

Some argue it’s a double standard and it is, but it’s biology. The reality is men and women are wired differently. Generally, men are attracted to feminine traits and women, to masculine traits. 

Confidence is the number one trait women find attractive. Confidence makes women feel safe, and secure and they can let the man take the lead. 

How Nervousness on Dates Leads to Turning a Woman Off

This depends on several factors.

• How noticeable your nervousness is
• The actual nervous behaviours
• How often you display nervousness
• Her as an individual
• Her current level of attraction to you

So why can’t women just accept you’re nervous? It’s not necessarily conscious, attraction isn’t a choice. Nervousness can make her feel the following on a subconscious level:

• Unsure of your confidence
• Uncomfortable
• Unsafe
• Unable to connect with the real you

This doesn’t mean any sign of nervousness leads to rejection, it’s just something you want to get a handle on.

Confidence and How to Not Be Nervous on Dates

Confidence is the number one trait women find attractive.

Confidence makes women feel safe and secure. Women like to feel comfortable letting the man take the lead.

The best way to become confident is to become competent. If you become proud of the person you are confidence naturally follows.

Here are some areas to build competence in:

• Health and Fitness
• Social skills
• Dating skills
• Grooming, style and hygiene
• Hobbies and interests
• Purpose

Calmness

Being calm, centred and unperturbable is the result of being completely in your masculine.

Being calm and centred will help make yourself and the woman you are taking on a date feel at ease.

Masculinity is calmness whereas, femininity is chaos. It’s that polarity that creates and maintains attraction.

Mindset and How to Not Be Nervous on Dates

 Having a healthy mindset is essential to not being nervous on dates.

The fundamentals include:

• Positivity
• Optimism
• Gratitude
• Self-Compassion
• Resilience

There are several, more specific ones I want to share with you.

Abundance mindset

The abundance mindset is the perspective that there are more women in this world than you could possibly interact with in your lifetime.

If a date doesn’t work out, there are countless potential dates.

This puts you in a more relaxed state, you’ve taken the pressure off the interaction.

Think of each interaction as a learning opportunity, bringing you and them closer to their dream person.

This may be difficult if you’re not very social or don’t have many options. Which is why you want to focus on creating a rich social life.

Outcome Indifference

Nervous people are often emotionally tied to a specific outcome they want.

When you go into a date with the mindset of “whether they like me or not, I’ll be fine either way”, you stop being outcome-dependent.

This helps you behave more organically and you show up being more authentic.

You’re the Prize

Part of being nervous is wanting to impress the other person.

This is the wrong mindset for any interaction, let alone one with a woman.

Naturally, you want and should put your best foot forward but you should see yourself as a catch.

“Of course, she will like me”

Even though some women won’t.

Don’t put her on a pedestal 

Following the last point, you mustn’t see the woman as above you, that’s approval-seeking behaviour. Putting them on a pedestal will make you nervous while also communicating to her that you’re not good enough.

Eventually, she will believe you.

Instead, go into the date unsure of her, and go there to find out the answer to the following questions.

• Do I like this woman?
• Is she good for me?
• How does she make me feel?
• Is she a good person?
• Do we have chemistry?
• Do our values and goals align?

Health, Fitness and Grooming

Taking care of yourself is the ultimate confidence hack. Looking after yourself optimises your mental and physical well-being while also building confidence and improving the way people see you.

Nutrition

Nutrition is an often overlooked opportunity to reduce nervousness on dates.

Not only does it keep you in shape and healthy but helps reduce anxiety and brain fog.

Different nutritional changes can affect people differently. There are a number of changes that have been known to help decrease nervousness in some people.

Carbohydrates

Carbohydrates and sugars have been reported to increase levels of anxiety.

This is something to experiment with as some swear by low-carb diets and others feel horrible on them.

Some of the things you can try include:

Reducing carbohydrates and increasing your protein and fats, such as the Ketogenic diet. This can help control anxiety levels in addition to losing body fat and improving mental clarity

Timing your carbohydrates can be an alternative. Focusing on protein and fats earlier in the day and pushing carbs into the later hours of the day. By doing this you maintain higher carbohydrates but are less likely to experience potential brain fog or anxiety.

Caffeine

Caffeine while can have many benefits, can increase anxiety levels.

Caffeine can also exasperate any nervous mannerisms because of jitteriness.

Some can cope fine with caffeine and others do not respond well. This is likely a combination of genetics, weight and whether you are already prone to anxiety.

If you are experiencing nervousness on dates try reducing or eliminating caffeine.

I recommend experimenting for at least 4 weeks. It can take time to see the effects and you want to see a consistent decline in nervousness.

Instead, get consistent sleep and keep yourself hydrated throughout the day. 

Fitness

Fitness is not just about health and appearance. Fitness improves your mental state, relationships and business.

Fitness, Confidence and Not Being Nervous

Being in shape both from a health and physical perspective helps build confidence. These are some of the ways fitness builds confidence:

• Accomplishment builds confidence
• Exercise stimulates positive emotion
• Looking good (lean and muscular) will make you feel good
• More people will find you attractive

One training style to get into amazing shape is weighted calisthenics, check out my article “Weighted calisthenics: A Versatile Training Style“

Hygiene

Proper hygiene makes you look and smell good. Women also notice these things and are more likely to respond positively. Some general good hygiene habits include:

• Brushing and flossing teeth
• Shower regularly
• Wearing some form of cologne
• Keeping your lips hydrated
• clean and trimmed nails
• Washed and styled hair
• Groomed facial hair
• Trimed nose hairs and removed monobrow (if you have one)
• Wearing clean and ironed clothing

Style

Some argue true confidence is when you don’t care what anyone thinks and you should wear anything.

I don’t fully agree with this statement.

You might like wearing a stained Star Wars T-shirt and oversized jeans. You may very well feel confident in them, but like it or not others will judge you on what you wear. It will likely negatively impact women’s attraction to you.

Whether you want to go for a casual or formal vibe, there is an option for everyone. You can check out my article on style here “Suit Jacket with Jeans Vs Blazer with Jeans“

A turtleneck is also a great option for a date, it can be paired with a variety of formal and casual garments. Take a look at the article “Men’s Guide to the Turtleneck Sweater” to see the outfits you could put together.

Having a diverse and versatile wardrobe is great for dressing the part for any date, take some inspiration from Daniel Craig’s James Bond.

Tips on How to Not Be Nervous on the Actual Date

Open and Relaxed Body language

Open and relaxed body language reduces anxiety and creates the impression of confidence, even if you feel tense inside.

Ask Questions

People love to talk about themselves and when it comes to attraction, women should do 70-80% of the talking on a date.

Instead of trying to think of clever things to say, become authentically interested in her as a person.

Ask questions that she would enjoy answering. Follow up with additional questions to dig deeper.

When you start focusing on the other person you will think less about what to say or if she likes you.

Talk Slower

It’s very common to become flustered on dates, making fluid conversation difficult. You might find you talk quicker and stumble on their words quite a bit.

Making a conscious effort to talk slower is an effective solution.

When you talk fast and panicked you come across as nervous, anxious and inexperienced.

This is not the perception you want to project. 

If you want to get better you can practice in the mirror, on video or make small talk to strangers.

Focus on coming across calm, not cool.

Coolness is a natural byproduct of being calm and centred.

Do an Activity

It can be difficult to maintain a fluid conversation for the entirety of the date, particularly for people who aren’t experienced conversationalists.

Doing an activity together is a great way to break the ice. Talking and joking about the activity makes conversation easier.

Here are some ideas:

• Bowling
• Pool
• Mini-golf 

Not all activities are a good idea for a date. Avoid loud venues or watching a film, while these may help with your nerves, they do not help to build attraction.

Always pick an activity that allows talking because talking ultimately builds rapport.

Repetition is the Mother Of Skill

As Tony Robbins once said, “Repetition is the Mother of Skill”. If you want to know how to not be nervous on dates, go on more dates.

This is the most valuable point by far if you want to become competent on dates.

As you go on more and more dates, the fear, nervousness and anxiety start to subside until eventually you don’t see these things as a big deal.

When doing something you lack experience in you’re likely to be nervous. Not knowing what to expect and not knowing how to act.

As you build the experience through repetition it becomes second nature like brushing your teeth.

You’ll also discover women are human too, not some mystical unicorn, they get nervous and they have flaws.

Just know each date is an opportunity for growth.

Conclusion

The topic of how to not be nervous on dates is a broad one. To summarise, if you work on becoming competent in every aspect of your life, confidence naturally follows.